Friday, July 29, 2005

lose yourself part 2

So check it. Typhus totally picked out a rockin' theme song for me. So from now on, whenever the Chosen One enters a room or gets shown on the Holonet, "My Way or the Highway" is gonna play. Or I'm gonna be hummin it, or whatevs.

Oh, and Fluke's got a grandpa cam! That shizzy's off the hook!

Wednesday, July 27, 2005


Would removing all of Han's limbs be considered an act of the dark side? Anyone? Y-dawg, I know you think everything leads to the dark side, so I already know what you's gonna say. Palps, what do you think?

Sunday, July 24, 2005

lose yourself in the music

So check it. I decided the Chosen One needs a theme song. Sumthin cool that can play whenever I appear on the Holonet or when I walk into a room or whatevs. I really like the Grand March of the Republic, but I dunno if somebody already claimed that. Maybe if I pimp it out to a techno or hardcore rock beat it'd be different enough.

What do ya'lls think? I mean, I'm on the Holonet enough that you'd think they'd come up with some shizzy on their own, but they havent so I gotta do it for 'em, yo.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Count Dooku in the Study with the Funky Lightsaber

So Y-dawg keeps accusing me of takin his ducky and toilet-plank. First of all, why would I take a 2x4 that Y's butt has been on? Gross. Secondly, I don't have to steal his rubber ducky (I have my own, yo). He says it's cause he showed my undies to the Council, but since I've moved up from Spiderman to Batman, I don't really care anymore. Ani from the block doesn't hold a grudge, yo.

Cept for the cookie thing.

And the arm thing.

And the Sand People killin my momma thing.

But other than that, no grudges for the Chosen One.

Besides, I don't have time to worry about the green muppet bein all up in my grill. We won the challenge, and we got beer! Sweet nectar of life! I've made it my duty to guard said beer. You know, just in case... of Sand People...

*cracks open a beer*

Mmm.... beer...

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Mos Eisley

I forgot that it takes about a billion years to get anywhere on this whack planet.

I'm all sweaty and sandy and that's just not cool, yo. Hope somebody in Mos Eisley has air conditioners. I mean, shuh.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Home is where your slave chip is

Bad enough I'm still covered in sand from whatever happened the other day, but now I's gotta go back to Tatooine for some contest-thing and I'll be covered in even more sand. Not cool, yo. Not cool. S'long as we stay away from Mos Espa and the Lars homestead I think we'll be okay... and by we, I mean I won't feel the need to bust a cap in any of my teammembers.

Tusken Raiders, on the other hand...

Never thought I'd go back to that whacked out hizome world, yo. Thought bein a Jedi would keep me from havin to go back exceptin when I come to free the slaves. 'Course the only slave I really wanted to free was my mom, and, well... screw the rest of em.

Luckily I've got my fly girl on my team. That'll keep me occupied, even if her bodyguard Typhoid is all up in my grill about... whatever he hates me for this week... Whatevs.

We can bring a weapon and a luxury item. Obviously I'm bringin my lightsaber - it definitely helped last time I was here, yo. As for the luxury item... I haven't quite decided yet. I'm torn between a shampoo/conditioner combo and a big bottle of Corellian tequlia. I'm leaning towards the tequila since there won't be any water to wash my hair in anyway... Tough choices, yo. Tough choices.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Sand is whack

So check it: I be thinking I might have overdone it on the brownies yesterday, yo. I wake up this morning, and I'm covered in sand. And I think I've made it pretty clear how I feel about that shizzy. As I'm gropin around tryin to get the sand off myself, I find a printout... now I just feel violated, yo.

Whoever took this spit better speak up. What's up with the sand, yo?

I do look pretty illin', though. And no, Han, this doesn't mean I'm layin off the brownies.

I have sand in my ear. Not cool, ya'll. Not cool.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005


So I got to go down in the lower city today to rescue little-homes JJ from the Pimp-Tastic Calrissian. I'm thinkin "yo, I'm the Chosen One, this won't be nothin;". But then I saw the power that Calrissian guy has! He's got the honies, and the fly threads and all that shizzy. "Join me," he says. "And together we can rule the pimp market." I guess he knows mad skills when he sees 'em.

I had a tough decision to make, yo. Give in to the Pimp side of the Force, or perform my Force-given talent for chopping people's selves up. I had to sit me down and have a couple Colt 45s before I could decide, yo. Finally, I went with the second option. I mean, being a playa would be cool, but then I'd have to give up my illin' black cloaks an spit. I spent a lotta good money on my leather threads. Plus Calrissian was startin' to bug me.

The battle was kickin', yo! I was all "You're gonna pay for all the Jawas you pimped out today, fool!" and he was all "This wasn't part of the agreement!" (whatever that's supposed to mean). I used the Force to pull his illin' feather hat over his eyes and open the door for JJ to run out. Gotta say, that little dude looks creepy in fishnets and heels. That shizzy'll replace the Sand People in my nightmares, yo. There is not enough brownies and tequila in the universe that'll erase that from my brain.

Finally, I was all "AAaaahhh!" 'cause I was gettin' pissed off an bored and spit, and fling(!) go Calrissian's hands. If he gets to a hospital in time, he'll be able to get 'em reattached, no problems. Finally, me an JJ hop in my kickin' speeder, and hightail it back to the upper city.

One thing about the lower city: it smells like cabbage, yo. What's up with that?

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Time to bust a cap!

So Obs is aight, which is good, yo. 'Cept soon he's gonna be right back up in my face about all the stuff that leads to the dark side and spit, but oh well.

Poor mini-homes JJ is MIA, and I decided I'm settin me up on a rescue mission. I keep hearin from my boyz on the street that SuperPimp Calrissian is bein a playa hater and has JJ in his Colt 45-drinkin', feathered-hat wearin', pimp-cane usin' clutches, so I'm goin down there and I'm gonna throw down hardcore.

Wonder if I should set my 'saber up with some bling first though...

Monday, July 11, 2005

Seeing Eye Monkeys

So me and Y-dawg went to Wal-Mart. He needed, I dunno, Depends or somethin', and I needed more sculpting gel. He don't seem to realize how much work illin' hair like mine is. Just 'cause he's got that weird comb-over thing going on don't mean he can take it out on me.

The guard at the door thought the green riddle monkey really was a monkey, so I says "Yo, he's my seeing eye monkey, G." And that worked. But then Y was all "Disrespect me you do," and Force-wedgied me. Not cool, homes. Not cool. But if anybody bothered to check to see if I really was blind, I woulda busted a cap. People are weak-minded, yo. I coulda taken the whole store by my own self. Maybe if I'd taken off my bling-hand and said he was my reaching monkey he wouldn't have been so hatin' on me.

Gotta go see Master Obs at the hiz-ospital later. Shoulda gotten cookies at Wal-Mart, but I was wedgied and couldn't be thinking straight. I'll just go down during snack time and steal some from the Younglings or somethin'. For now I'm gonna cruise in the illin' speeder JJ set me up with. That thing is pimpin' hardcore, yo. Lower city, here I come!

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Who's the Master?

Obi-Wan got his sorry butt kicked by an R4 unit, apparently. That is whack. Now I gotta bring cookies cause I was eating Qui-Gon's brownies when I heard about it, and I says "Yo, I'll bring cookies," and now I don't wanna.

I wonder if I can lay a smackdown on my own self?

Shuh, I'll bring cookies anyway, but I ain't baking them myself.

Powdered donuts are whack

Obi-Wan got powdered donut powder all over my illin' black robes. I almost busted a cap, but then he was all "Killing your master leads to the dark side", blah blah blah, and I really don't need that shizzy on top of everything else. Still gotta wonder why he gotta use my threads for a napkin. Why don't he just wipe his hands down the front of his shirt like he always does?

I think he's testing me. Or something. Whatevs.

I wanna go scare the younglings for a while, so I'm out.

Saturday, July 09, 2005


So the princess told me I should get a blog and I was all like "whatever" 'cause usually if I have something to say I just go find somebody and say it, cause I keep it real like that. But then I was like, if the Masters can have blogs, I should have one too, what with me being the Chosen One and spit.

Obi-Wan's still up in my grill over his busted-ass speeder.