Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Rescue!

So I got to go down in the lower city today to rescue little-homes JJ from the Pimp-Tastic Calrissian. I'm thinkin "yo, I'm the Chosen One, this won't be nothin;". But then I saw the power that Calrissian guy has! He's got the honies, and the fly threads and all that shizzy. "Join me," he says. "And together we can rule the pimp market." I guess he knows mad skills when he sees 'em.

I had a tough decision to make, yo. Give in to the Pimp side of the Force, or perform my Force-given talent for chopping people's selves up. I had to sit me down and have a couple Colt 45s before I could decide, yo. Finally, I went with the second option. I mean, being a playa would be cool, but then I'd have to give up my illin' black cloaks an spit. I spent a lotta good money on my leather threads. Plus Calrissian was startin' to bug me.

The battle was kickin', yo! I was all "You're gonna pay for all the Jawas you pimped out today, fool!" and he was all "This wasn't part of the agreement!" (whatever that's supposed to mean). I used the Force to pull his illin' feather hat over his eyes and open the door for JJ to run out. Gotta say, that little dude looks creepy in fishnets and heels. That shizzy'll replace the Sand People in my nightmares, yo. There is not enough brownies and tequila in the universe that'll erase that from my brain.

Finally, I was all "AAaaahhh!" 'cause I was gettin' pissed off an bored and spit, and fling(!) go Calrissian's hands. If he gets to a hospital in time, he'll be able to get 'em reattached, no problems. Finally, me an JJ hop in my kickin' speeder, and hightail it back to the upper city.

One thing about the lower city: it smells like cabbage, yo. What's up with that?

10 Comments:

Blogger Han Solo said...

Doh! You beat me to it! No brownies for me?!

This Solo is a SAD Solo.

At least you stayed true to the third Jedi Commandment:

3) Thou shalt not kill where chopping off a hand would achieve the same goal.

7:14 AM  
Blogger Anakin Skywalker said...

Tell ya what, homes: you can share my victory brownies, yo. Since you meant to be there an spit. Everyone keeps sayin' I'm all impatient and junk, so... whatev.

The third commandment's my favorite, yo.

7:37 AM  
Blogger Han Solo said...

I can share the brownies? For real?

Anakin, I don't mean this in a Threepio way, but I love you, man.

*eats a brownie*

Ahhhh....that's the stuff...

Yeah, the third commandment's way better than the sixth.

6) Thou shalt honor thy father and thy mother, unless thy father turns out to be an evil dark lord.

*eats another brownie*

What does that even mean, anyway?

*eats another brownie*

11:10 AM  
Blogger Anakin Skywalker said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:13 AM  
Blogger Anakin Skywalker said...

For reals, yo. I dunno if I have a monthly allotment or what, but whatevs. I already had, like, four. Good thing Obs isnt around, he'd be all up in my grill or whatever.

I never got the sixth commandment. I mean, like anybody wouldnt' know if theys parents were evil an spit.

Jedi rules are whack, yo.

11:13 AM  
Blogger Barriss Offee said...

Isn't the lower city the Polish district? That would account for the smell.

11:45 AM  
Blogger Han Solo said...

I don't know, man. I never knew my father.

*eats brownie*

I mean, there were clues. Hints. I'm pretty certain I figured out who he is, and he's a pretty bad guy. That was part of the reason I went to the Academy: he's a high mucky-muck for the Imperials. Too bad I got kicked out before I could work up the chain of command.

*eats brownie*

That's why I came back here, to find him before he got so powerful no one could get near him. So far, though, no sign at all. I think I came back too far.

*eats brownie*

I probably shouldn't be telling you any of this.

11:55 AM  
Blogger Leia said...

Wow, Han, your father was evil?
I hear ya.
coughcoughcough
somethinginaudible

2:25 PM  
Blogger Anakin Skywalker said...

Word, Han. I didnt know my dad either. Everybody says my mom got knocked up by those midichlori-whatsits. But then I heard my dad's really some old dude, and I just dont know what to believe.

Thing is, I can't think of anybody that fits your description. Sorry, homes.

8:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ooookay...

7:29 PM  

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